MUSINGS and other writing by Mark Kolke

. . . . . . there is no edge to openness

TODAY'S MUSINGS

FEEDBACK / COMMENTS

MARK SPEAKS

ARCHIVED COLUMNS

ARCHIVE WINTER 2022-23

ARCHIVE AUTUMN 2022

ARCHIVE SUMMER 2022

ARCHIVE SPRING 2022

ARCHIVE WINTER 2021-22

ARCHIVE AUTUMN 2021

ARCHIVE SUMMER 2021

ARCHIVE SPRING 2021

ARCHIVE WINTER 2020-21

ARCHIVE AUTUMN 2020

ARCHIVE SUMMER 2020

ARCHIVE SPRING 2020

ARCHIVE WINTER 2019-20

ARCHIVE AUTUMN 2019

ARCHIVE SUMMER 2019

ARCHIVE SPRING 2019

ARCHIVE WINTER 2018-19

ARCHIVE AUTUMN 2018

ARCHIVE SUMMER 2018

ARCHIVE SPRING 2018

ARCHIVE WINTER 2017-18

ARCHIVE AUTUMN 2017

ARCHIVE SUMMER 2017

ARCHIVE SPRING 2017

ARCHIVE WINTER 2016/17

ARCHIVE AUTUMN 2016

ARCHIVE SUMMER 2016

ARCHIVE SPRING 2016

ARCHIVE WINTER 2015/16

ARCHIVE AUTUMN 2015

ARCHIVE SUMMER 2015

ARCHIVE SPRING 2015

ARCHIVE WINTER 2014/15

ARCHIVE AUTUMN 2014

ARCHIVE SUMMER 2014

ARCHIVE SPRING 2014

ARCHIVE WINTER 2013/14

CONTACT

MY REAL ESTATE LIFE

WHY I WRITE MUSINGS

SHORT STORY PROJECT

POETRY PROJECT

MARK'S SPEAKING TIPS

SELECTED OTHER WORK


GOOD MOURNING


Thursday, Apr. 2, 2020         
 
 
Yesterday, began with a ‘to-do list,’ a ‘DRAFT column’ to polish, and expectations.
 
And it was April Fools’ Day.
 
But I wasn’t feeling funny.
 
Not in the way, when you call small children to come quickly, to see those elephants in the driveway.
 
I watched as much bad-TV news as I could tolerate, read my bad-news-papers, ate breakfast, and then sat with coffee in hand, looking out a window, looking back on a year, searching inside for better understanding of this life and living it, of Barry’s life and leaving it … mourning.
 
Emotions begging to go splat on this page.
 
I envy monkeys flinging feelings/shite against a wall. I crave their freedom. I feel somewhat like that wall, somewhat like their shite.
 
In our Canadian legal system, the term adjournment means when things are set over to some future date, to be argued again, or decided at last – watching it sometimes resembles monkeys pelting that wall all over again. Anyone who watches TV courtroom dramas will add, the American term for that is getting a continuance.
 
Same thing, same impact.
 
Different word.
 
In Merriam-Webster’s thesaurus function, I pasted ‘continuance,’ in search of more words, similar words, and better words.
 
A synonym: lifetime.
 
Then lifetime’s synonyms: continuance, date, duration, life, life span, run, standing, time.
 
Associated words: spell, stretch, span, tenure, term, hitch, tour, turn, half-life, age, and longevity.
 
Why?
 
April 1st, one year ago, my friend Barry died.  I flew to Vancouver for his April 3rd funeral and burial.
 
Mood swings a year ago were massive.
 
I wish I was a monkey, wish I had a wall …
 
One year later, a mellow mix of his presence on earth mixed with this lousy news blur, which has become our daily numbing … sad news so many thousands of people, illness and death are everywhere, as they are always are, but now everybody is engrossed in waves of information. Little good news. Lots of sad. So many lost, so many grieving their losses.
 
So who am I, to spend time and keystrokes on someone who died a year ago?
 
So much easier to be docile in self-isolation, keeping our distance from one another, and from life so we can keep our distance from death.
 
Like most readers of this column, my daily inundation with bad news, sad news, and predictions of impending worse news makes having a pleasant and calm reflective day nearly impossible.
 
But I tried.
 
Barry would have wanted me to try.
 
I see him so easily in my mind – memories of laughter, our face to face and phone times, memories of working on deals together (sometimes on opposite sides of the fence, often on the same side) in the world of adversarial transactions. I see him so peacefully, as if I had superpowers to see him in repose through his coffin top – grinning back at me as we shoveled earth on top of him. I have that experience in me, playing over like a streaming video, as clear now as then. As powerful now, as it was then.
 
At times like this, I believe we all want an explanation of life; some passage, some song lyric, some demonstration that our short lives have long-lasting value and values.
 
Someone buried does not die; they live on in us, no longer burdened by trappings of day-to-day stuck in traffic, missing a flight, forgetting something, balancing books, and balancing relationships. Death gives people time, the time we don’t take each day for looking out a window, staring at a ceiling, or talking on the phone to friends and family. The dead are given a continuance, an exemption from constraints.
 
I re-read what I wrote Feb. 18/19 – FOR BARRY
 
I re-read what I wrote Apr. 3/19 – WHO WILL YOU BE
 
I sent a note to Sam yesterday.
 
I talked to some friends – some about this, some about other things, but I knew it was a day for connecting, for talking to people I have long-standing connections with.
 
There is no adjourning feelings like this, but you can always get a continuance.
 
 

Reader feedback:
 
GETTING UNSTUCK
Hi Mark. Great column today! My solution for chaos is PLAN what to EAT and Activity each day, DH, Calgary, AB



Find this and other articles by Mark Kolke at Medium



sign up to get Musings free daily



 
Read more of my writing by Mark Kolke at Medium

sign up to get Musings free daily

 


 
Mark Kolke, Realtor, MaxWell South Star Realty


sign up to get Musings CLICK HERE

Comments are always welcome - please contribute to the discussion.  Reply to: kolke@markkolke.com

You can also connect with me on LinkedIn. This site is updated daily, each column is retained in the archive when the next day's column is loaded ...  


Copyright - all rights reserved - Mark Kolke, © 2003-2023 - MaxComm Communications

- this site is updated daily, new column on main page, older columns archived - use the tabs; last update - 2023 - January, 28