Choices are not about facts, or interpretation of facts, but deliberate actions.
Like resolving to eat better, or not hit my ball in the hazard.
TODAY challenges – like distinct adjacent food items on any plate, everything touches everything else! TODAY – difficult decisions, problem solving and resolve to win my Division speech contest tonight. Don’t call them demons or internal conflicts. I have better non-printable words for them …
Flash-backs, equivalent feelings – anxiety before exams or interviews, before picking up that phone or knocking on that door – resolve and strength, always called for …
Easily time-travelling to every moment of internal defeat, fear, uncertainty and self-doubt. Logically, intellectually, I’m through that, past that, grown-out of that. Emotionally, not so much. I expect I’m not alone. (he says, hoping his competitors this evening are similarly on edge).
Always known this, felt this, dealt with it, as we all do – completely alone. Group-think doesn’t work.
Every time I (we) go up against any foe (person, situation, institution or circumstance) – whether right or wrong (or determined, resolved, committed, joyous or angry) this recurring belly-twist angst reveals itself, again. We are well acquainted.
Competition brings out the best in us and makes us face our worst fears (like a bad old movie). Today’s contest is not for supremacy of any meaningful element of humankind, and yet it is. Every action, every reaction – is tested. Bested.
Walking Gusta – thinking-through, email from someone with ‘real problems’ – glorious morning sun re-set my mood. Like most days, long list of easy things and hard things, blur perspective and fill this day with too much, too much, too much …