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Saturday Apr. 9, 2016

Cortez-like, searching for something elusive. Far away. Can’t see land yet …

Ready to burn my ships on arrival? Maybe.

What triggers action, reaction and rejuvenation?

Spelunking my head, I need that – best when I’m down a quart – because I’m way too euphoric to analyze well when I’m feeling on top of everything. I don’t see that as unique. I think it is normal.

Refueled. Ready for next journey. Some parts of my life, paused. But very few. “Ready-fire-aim”, my favourite Tom Peters mantra doesn’t seem to fit right now, in this moment. I’m feeling more calculated, yet impulse driven. Impulse control is something Gusta lacks. I have some, but some people along my path would argue I don’t have enough.

Aiming, several directions at once – but carefully, I’m not running out of time or energy, but I don’t want to burn as much on missed shots. I just want to take better shots. Lots of them. Not sure if that’s indecision, better decisions or ‘options open’?

Wide-eyed, full of appetite for life as in my twenties when I didn’t know anything (but thought I knew everything). Something has come over me – or rather, gone through me, like passing something larger than a kidney stone but smaller than a breadbox. Excruciating in its moment, leading to euphoria immediately after. Metaphors aside, what is going on here?

Am I a basket case, or making a business case? Some of each – passing through places, phases, stages of life – some might label this ‘mid-life crisis’. Way too late for that.  Way too clear.

I may not hit many targets but my aiming should improve …

 

Mark Kolke

P.S.: my framed ‘Opportunity’ poster looks over me as I write. It’s caption: ‘You’ll always miss 100% of the shots you don’t take’

written / published from Calgary, AB

morning walk:  6C/43F, gusty, clear – quiet streets of inspiration, Gusta gathering leaves and grit in her coat (she needs a bath), legs and lungs got a workout … 

Reader feedback:

PERMISSION TO SELF

I don’t even know what I did to get this subscription – wishing you the very best of luck with your wonderful work, SK, Banff, AB

Hi Mark, Long time follower, first time emailer. I am sorry to hear about Gusta and the outrageous battle she has to fight against the condo board in court. Maybe they should call Gusta to stand to get her opinion which I am sure would be “woof woof woof” or in human words “leave me alone”. Any chance you will include a photo of Gusta in one of your morning musings? I read about Gustas stories everyday but it would be fantastic to put a face to the name. Go go Gusta!, GH, Toronto, ON


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