I’ve become an observer of others, and of self; painter without brush, sculptor without chisel – revealing something inside this raw flesh.
Frustration I feel? Not so much frustration, perhaps regret tinge – I didn’t appreciate more, better and sooner what I have to give/get from life is not material of this world.
Rather, I’m channeling DeNiro: ya want a piece of me?
Pieces of me live in two daughters, two grandchildren. Piece of me lives in some good works, some good deeds, some good times. Piece of me lives in what I’ve meant to a few people, what I’ve left behind or given away. Piece of me lives in somebody doing something a particular way because I showed them – or because they saw me failing and said ‘let’s NOT do it that way’.
Piece of me, biggest piece? What I’ve not yet done.
In final week of this phase of life which culminates in shifting, one segment of society to another, one life stage to another. From perceived relevance to perceived decline. There’ll be no gold watch, reclining years or retirement plan. Denial? No, outright refusal. Aside from making my next year my most productive to date I’ll not hesitate to make the next one better still. Not a work in progress, person in progress, never more alive, more ready, more prepared, more capable, more able, more inspired …
All of my life I’ve been busy, but what have I accomplished? Worked hard, but have I worked hard enough? What do I have to show for it? Those were mid-life-crisis questions I could have, perhaps should have, asked years ago. I skipped those.
P.S.: shout out happy b-day to son-in-law Chad – turn back, while you can, be every young thing you can imagine so you can remember later that you did everything you could while you could because when you are older there is so much you can’t …
written / published from Calgary, AB
morning walk with Gusta: 10C/49F, chilly/clear/damp, with warm to follow …flags still, streets empty – holiday weekend morning calm, we encountered one yappy dog, three yappy Magpies and three people sprinting from the train (they seemed late for work, but it’s a holiday?); Gusta’s shaggy coat drenched again by wet grass – I’ll get her groomed soon so she looks good before her new coat arrives …