DEPTH PERCEPTION
Sunday Aug. 12, 2018
I made some calls the other day.
I was wrestling with some things. When that happens I often reach out to friends. Ones I respect, admire and reach out to for wise perspective. I know they are busy, but I don’t call them very often. But that day, I really needed some shoring up. As you might expect with this lead-in, it don’t go well. Each had their reason for being unavailable to talk, each had their reason for begging-off the call, each had their own priorities.
Each of those friends call me sometimes – socially, sometimes to solve problems, sometimes to share important news or a story, to talk about an idea for some kind of adventure.
Do I cut them off?
I don’t think so.
Sometimes I can’t talk very long because I’m going to a meeting or working to a deadline – but I talk, I listen. I’m asking myself: was it just coincidence that all those people I called that day had no time for me that day?
Or is it a statement of the value, to them, of our relationship?
I realize I’m both right and wrong at the same time, but thinking about this has been valuable for me – it causes me to question something important: not the quality of their friendship, but the quality of my own.
I don’t always like the reality I see.
I can either see things differently, or look at different things.
We shouldn’t expect anything from anyone, and nobody owes us anything. We are alone in this life and being OK with that is essential to being of value to anyone else.
Reader feedback:
SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT
This was a musing that really resonated with me Mark, JJ, Calgary, AB
Hi Mark, It is the human condition that we seek accomplices. Friends and family to validate the things we are doing. We don’t really want advice. We want agreement. Much of this conditioning, in my humble opinion, starts with parenting. While I believe in encouragement sometimes we over extend that function. Whatever happened to “tell it like it is”? Being honest, and teaching them that others have opinions, which they may not agree with, is part of learning how to listen, adjust thinking and ultimately cope with life. A true friend should forgive you for giving an opinion they requested of you, especially if they did not agree with it. Learning to give up on being right is a pretty important life skill; no matter what age the insight is delivered. Take care – you rock!, JR, Calgary, AB {in London}
Wow this message resonates with me. I have spent most of my life helping others, helping them to succeed in their lives, their careers. I was always told and raised to offer a hand up to others. Being an empathetic person, it was my nature. We are known as "People Pleasers." But one thing we forget to do or at least I forgot to do was look out for myself as well as others. My ideas and suggestions have made some very successful and I am grateful I was able to help. But the problem is most people are takers not givers. Most people forget who helped them grow, helped them to succeed. For me it was a hard lesson to learn. Helping others is in our nature, but we need to remember to help ourselves first, something I still work at every day. Don't allow his negative response to change who you are and what you have to offer others. Your Empathy is who you are! MJ, Calgary, AB
