A dreamer, a wonderer, and an introspective inspector of life.
To be clear, for anyone who might wonder, I am an authority on very few things.
I ventilate my feelings best aloud, one-on-one, or to a crowd when one is assembled, and I am on that stage. Most often and best, I organize my sureness here on this page, where I scuffle with my thoughts and feelings. Some days it’s a skirmish, some days a foul-mouthed bawdy brawl. I do it, first for me, second for anyone who cares to take a look.
I say, and believe that I love the debate and well-mannered banter because my viewpoint is only one person’s opinion – mine. Having said that, I’m not sure I’ve always even-handed in my exchanges with ill-equipped counterparties. I’m stubborn, yes, but not pig-headed on all things. I want to understand things better than I do, and know that my next best idea will likely come from learning about someone else’s next best idea …
And every opinion is subject to change.
When my fingers started talking to this keyboard more than 17 years ago, it wasn’t ever designed or intended to provoke thought or to inspire. It was first, to prove something to my daughter – as smart-ass fathers sometimes do, second it was to prove to myself that I could keep on going, that I could write every day about something that was on my mind and not give up on the daily practice of writing, and that I would share my thoughts with whoever would take time to read them.
I’ve learned over those years, in part from others’ feedback, but mainly from the evolution of my own writing/thinking catharsis, that however obscure and isolated I/we may be in the world, this is not new.
We all come to the realization of the vastness of the planet and our substantial visibility within a crowd of 7.5 billion at some early age – but being noticed for what we do, having someone acknowledge and/or admire what we are doing is something different altogether.
Over time as a writer, and as a speaker, I’ve come to love and appreciate feedback and applause – and it is always genuine. Do I pander? Do I play to the audience, wanting to win their approval and praise? Maybe I do, but probably no different than the 2nd-grade student who wants to get an A and a gold star on his homework because it pleased his teacher. But somewhere between puberty and mid-life, we shift methinks – seeking approval from others. Whether and to what degree we all do, is something I’m not qualified to research or measure, but it strikes me that we all do somehow. Modesty gets involved here, as does false modesty for some folks, but the importance-focus is as unique for me as it likely is for any other writer.
First, I’m writing for an audience of one. That’s me. Sometimes, the focus is someone else – and when that happens, there is usually a ‘she’ out there, somewhere who knows exactly who I am writing about. And, for everyone else, ‘it ain’t about you, sweetheart.’
If this page of thoughts provokes or inspires anyone, I am glad.
As with most days, each column leaves me feeling inspired to write the next one. That is part habit, part compulsion, part peacock, part introverted sloth – and many variations between high and low energy across the emotional spectrum – this column is a heart worn on a sleeve, like the ratty sleeve of an old sweater the might disintegrate from wear soon ...
We are all alike in many ways.
We are all different in many ways.
Once we realize those two truths, everything seems so much easier.
Life is magnificent, something we should have all learned more effectively at a much earlier age, so now that we know, there is no time to waste.
Whilst my body inhabits Calgary, my writing sagaciousness wanders all over without schedule, theme, or design other than for a daily excursion within my belfry where curiosity cannot be easily stilled.
Offering point of view without hesitation might be a sign of my quick mind or a lack of impulse control – and I think both are often true at the same time. I’ve not often had my foot in my mouth, but I’ve eaten my share of crow.
P.S.: someone who recently signed up to receive Musings again after an absence, sent me a kind-word note, saying they found my Musings thought-provoking and inspiring messages – that note, an instigation of sorts (thank-you to JR, and welcome back), for this column.