Answers are often found sitting on beaches, not because of sunshine but because of lines we can draw in the sand …
Raison doing …
Self-examination is wonderful on days progress is made, not so much when we don’t. Need for order comes, not from nature, but an understandable construct of humans wanting to understand and, more significantly, control their destiny, which doesn’t explain/define ‘having an understanding of ourselves’ as achievable truth. Or ridiculous fiction.
Beyond food, clothing, shelter – what is our reason for doing, continuing, striving? We can explain, with care and love, we are ‘doing’ for loved ones, for family. True for all of us who have families. Isn’t a natural law, no legal or scientific rules either.
When we take these ‘easy reasons’ out of this equation we are still left with: why are we here, doing what we are doing?
Yes, make a living. Yes, make a contribution. Yes, make a life. Reasons, or excuse/explanations we comfortably adopt to avoid digging deeper, examining more closely?
I struggle – yet I’m convinced answers exist.
I don’t think they are found in books or dogma, in philosophy or religion, not in politics, government or ‘the social order’ of things but, rather, found somewhere inside us, maybe between electrons and neutrons in our cells – in that vacant space between the stuff we are made of, the invisible stuff that is the field of all possibilities. Yes, that’s where it is. It is in the unknown – not the ‘non-existent’ but in the ‘not yet understood’ magic of life.
I’ve not spent my whole life in search of this, it isn’t a long standing quest – but it has become an important one in my life. Not so much reason for living, but certain reason for not dying, for not quitting, for not giving up – because I am unreconciled in terms of finding deeper meaning.
Not knowing where it is or what it is does, but to solve for: what it is?
Arbitrary, something I’ve chosen – determined, tied to my calendar. Arrives this Sunday. Focused. Intent. Need to wrestle these thoughts into a corner, whittle down to size, finalize my manifesto for all things beyond Sunday. Call it postponed-midlife-catharsis, call it drawing my line in the sand – a personal demarcation – part struggle, part mission, part quest, part question.
If it looks like a deadline, feels like a deadline, is it a deadline, or just a stick rearranging the sand?
written / published from Calgary, AB
morning walk with Gusta: 15C/60F, another mixed-media weather day ahead; sunny, gentle breeze, just a few cloud puffs – Gusta regular, regular spot, pace and urgency to get back for her breakfast ...
Hi Mark, I just wanted to send a note, how much I continue to enjoy your daily “musings”. So much of your subject matter resonates with me. Plus I also have a dog. So Gusta’s happy morning rituals remind me of our own mornings. Keep to your musings. It helps us all take a moment to reflect and ask ourselves the same questions. It’s good to have that moment to be “still”. (I know for me, without you, this likely would not happen so easily or consistently). Have an awesome day!, PV, Calgary, AB
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