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PREPARED FOR THIS DAY
Sunday Aug. 7, 2016
Every experience I ever had.
Over.
Gone.
Everything I need, stored in memory. Joy moments, painful events. I bring to the table now my attitude, confidence, daring and caring – new level of self-understanding, joining agedness with new new-born zeal. Everything till now, preparation for this day.
What is my life about?
Not what is behind me, but what is in front of me – not deeds done or goals lists stroked, but of knowing my skin fits me and my brain suits my quality of purpose. I admit self-indulgent aggrandizement, hyperbole and bold dreams. Not every day, but some days.
Seeing someone struggling, are they finding life’s meaning, or just struggling? Seeing ourselves, are we digging deep, finding elusive treasure?
This world admires successes/excesses, derides failures in every form – rewards nerds with apps, traders with guts, bet-hedgers with algorithms. Art takes back seat to tweets. Outrageousness overwhelms politics and public policy – so how can we spare time to argue value of what any one person’s life is about?
We define life as much as life defines us. While we find joy, purpose and value in what we ‘get lost in’, that passion isn’t understanding or defining. I want words around this, deserving description, dimensions, and heft.
How we know, not the same as ‘that we know’ we have value and feel value in what we do, and why we do. I’ve been fortunate to have experienced influences and kindnesses of more interesting people than there have been those counterbalancing types, those who’ve been obstacles, negative influences and pain. We all get our own mix, those who cross our paths from birth to birthday, each year adding new players in our life. Some leave us too soon, some don’t go quickly enough …
Zero to 65. Not speed. Distance. Not miles. 65 years. Behind me. Done. What’s next? Next phase of life starts today – reset to zero.
Figuring life out – can I expect success answering this question which has eluded philosophers as long as humans have been around? Aristotle, Aquinas, Kant, Sartre, Frankl, Cervantes – perhaps they came close, but never solved this quintessential riddle: what is life about?
Nobody has an answer to that, nor for my riddle: what is MY life about?
I can’t imagine anything could matter as much. Or, which matters as much to me.
“You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life”. – Albert Camus. Albert and I disagree. I can’t imagine living without seeking life’s meaning. Not constantly under that microscope, but I don’t think meaning is something we stumble upon when we aren’t looking – that it just happens, that it just shows up. Whether we find it, or make our own, makes interesting discussion.
Today, figuratively and literally, is the first day of the rest of my life.
I expect this road ahead will be vastly different than zig-zag path that brought me. Many things will seem familiar – but my reality is completely changing. Long overdue, time to draw this proverbial line in the sand. There will be joy, accomplishment and value to it – so much to do, no assurances there will be enough time to do everything I imagine and still leave time for the unexpected, for when something else happens instead. Better get busy.
written / published from Calgary, AB
morning walk with Gusta: 14C/58F, dead calm, drizzly remnants of overnight rain, everything soggy and mosquitos swarming us – trains and car traffic are the only disturbances, Gusta sniffing everything. This is not a work day, but a day-off play day (birthdays are supposed to fun, right?), so it is off-to-Banff with a friend for mountain air and Sulfur Mountain hot pool therapy, lunch and fudge shopping, soaking up magnificence of mountains, of nature, of life …
Reader feedback:
WORKSHOP FOR ONE
Hi Mark and happy birthday. Greetings from hot Cancun. Happy happy birthday you have made your mark, Mark lol, AG, hot Cancun, Mexico … p.s. I'm managing a vacation rental property http://www.holidayrentalpuertomorelos.com I will very much appreciate if you could share it
Happy Birthday tomorrow Mark – you are a young and ambitious 65! Hope your beat your age on the golf course!!, MK, Calgary, AB
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