I muddle expectations with hopes – one becomes the other, and the reverse of that. If that seems muddled and unclear, it is. I only think this confusion happens when love and family are involved because we are otherwise so clear, so cut and dried. But this hope-expectation continuum of risk-reward, away-toward is an emotional minefield. OK, maybe it’s just a field. But it’s mine!
I saw everyone I care about.
I did some work, but not much.
I did some reading, but not much.
I watched some mindless television, but not much.
A few days off.
A few days away.
A few conversations.
Everyone I saw, I care about.
A few observations – holiday time, strange time. One very quick shopping mall visit before traffic got insane, one very long lunch with an old friend and former colleague. Yesterday was my deep-in-da-funk day.
Today will be better. Lunch with old friends, planning to stop in Red Deer on my way home for coffee with an old friend – but first, I need to visit grand-joys once more – their life returning to normal now, adjusting to ‘so many new things’ in their comfortable norm of mom + dad without the buzz of many others, their comings and goings. I’ll be back soon.
A few days of holiday cheer, everyone here, surreal moments and bizarre conversations woven – no recipe for family, or friends, they just are who they are.
If I’ve had any lesson driven home, it is that expectations are something I should stop expending energy on – because they are never even close.
People behave as they behave. That is their job.
In strangers, we ignore or steer clear.
In friends, we just hold them dear.
In family there is a divide, between those we cannot abide and those we cannot believe how much they matter.
I care about everyone I saw.
I saw others too, but they didn’t matter much and I didn’t really see them.
Everyone else – merely bit players.
I saw two daughters, I saw two grandchildren – stars of my show.
column written/ published from Hampton Inn, Fort Saskatchewan, AB
morning walk: -6C/21F, steady breeze, a few clouds, short slippery walk ...
Merry Memories - Sounds like your Christmas has been perfection. Interesting to me is the gifts that we remember, all wrapped up in memories decorated with smiles and love. Those are the gifts we remember the longest; although at the time we don't always recognize what is truly everlasting while we concentrate on the gifts that come wrapped in shiny paper and bows. Merry memories my friend, merry memories! GW, Bon Wier, Tx.