NOT EQUILIBRIUM, NOT EVER
Monday, Dec. 16, 2019
Routine and plans get derailed.
No matter how much I recalculate, reorganize, and reprioritize ~ disruption happens. I debate in my head whether those disruptions are cause for pause, to rethink why each element of my day/life being interrupted is being called into question. Is it my scheduling, is it others disrupting my routine, or that I can’t adapt quickly to others messing with my plans? Answer: each and all of those!
My days fluctuate, more than usual, between people-intensive busy active to the quietude of solitude and lightly lit rooms with curtains drawn on overcast days. The season is loud, but I want quiet. The occasions are noisy, but I want silence. Conversations go quiet – everyone is busy and has no time for new things or for commiseration. Truth be told, I’d rather be in productive quiet and noisy nonsense anytime, especially right now.
Why?
Perhaps it is because at this time of year – with everyone focused on happiness and cheer, those of us feeling not so happy, cheerless, and wanting parts of my life to be different, this presents a challenge of navigation between the pillar and the post of emotional balance. Not equilibrium, not ever, but steady-as-she-goes.
Another year ticks by, the first day of winter and shortest day of the year will yield the longest dark night, Christmas, and New Year celebrations are upon us…
Like birthdays, these times come amid some fanfare, and they disappear so swiftly, it’s as if they never happened until next year’s recurrence jogs our memory.
