And we all have a history, one that involves our failures to act or failures or unwillingness to react.
And each time we have those realizations, there is nothing we must do. There isn’t law – of man or nature – but we big-brained monkeys feel we should. We do it badly much of the time, but those failures are better than the oblivious and uncaring who don’t try at all.
We have recollections of what we did or what someone was unable or unwilling to do.
Let’s include things we failed to do because we never thought of them at all – which is fine, but when someone else had those expectations of us, not as simple …
And we have things we don’t remember – and when we are called to task, our memory of those ‘out of context’ items seem real, and we need to acknowledge the other party’s recollections of how they felt, but how do we also recall how we felt that day, or that year, in terms of all that was going on. It’s easy to set aside; let the bygones be gone.
But now, it’s not easy at all. The more we think and dwell, our thoughts get divided. We make value judgements about whether we should resolve the conflict, fix the problem, or just fuggedaboutit.
But all things that matter need resolution. But in different ways for everyone. Delaying or avoiding isn’t helpful because, in my experience, the problems and issues need solutions that will require actions, but without dialogue, little progress or appreciation is accomplished or felt.
Recent turns of events, some of them inevitable consequences of issues stretched out way too long, and some that I’d pushed out far longer – stuff I’d kicked the can down the road about.
This goes far beyond any exaggeration of creative procrastination. While some of it can be attributed to my ADHD diagnosis, that is an explanation, but no excuse anyone wants to hear. I can apologize, explain, or try to make good on past failings, but that is little comfort for those who’ve seen the worst of me rather than the best of me.
For doubters, time will tell.
But that’s true for all of us.
We want to believe what we are told – in everything from a simple promise to an elaborate explanation. And we are often disappointed when someone’s actions don’t live up to our expectations. We can debate that he said/he said tug-o-war might ensue to make things worse rather than better. I have some of those tangles going on, and they will be resolved.
In so many ways, we pay, repay, and replay our actions vis-à-vis the actions of others. And too often, we say we are squabbling over something not aligned with what is going on inside. For each conflict in our lives, there are at least two sides, not opposing sides, but far from aligned.
P.S.: to everyone who called and wrote yesterday – your acknowledgement, your validation – means so much to me and is appreciated more than I can say; big hugs to you all!
Congratulations on 36 years. That's quite an accomplishment, CJ, Fort Saskatchewan, AB
I’m glad you write about your alcoholism every year. I’ve known you only as a sober person and, even though I’ve known my fair share of alcoholics, perhaps I take your sobriety a little for granted. I didn’t see your struggles or feel your pain, but I benefit every day from your success in managing your addiction. I celebrate along with you. Thank you Mark, HM, Calgary, AB
Congratulations on your 36 years Mark. One day at a time is such a powerful way to live, LG, Calgary, AB
Congratulations! An achievement all in its own merit :), AG, Cancun, Mex
Congrats on staying the sobriety course, Mark, RH, Calgary, AB