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AULD LANG SYNE
… for the sake of old friends – and new ones too
Thursday Feb. 27, 2014
I won’t do business with someone I don’t know, like and trust.
Friendships meeting similar standards are for me.
As life turns, season to reason, friends are recognized for precious commodity they are.
I’ve often been reminded, making new ones who are younger than me is good strategy (I have boundary issues though. I won’t date someone whose father is younger than me).
I love great friendships.
I think everybody does.
How do they start?
My friends, some thick ones and some thin ones – relied upon through thick and then. Some will call in the middle of the night, and they’ll answer if I call them . . .
Friendships in this middle-stage of my life have grown in ways I never knew or understood ate earlier stages of my life.
I didn’t attend school with them, didn’t work with them. Not neighbours. Some were loves, lovers or near-Mrs. Some ‘in the next cart at a golf tournament’. Some answered “who is the right person to talk to at your firm”. Some were (still are) Toastmasters. Some from politics, business, conferences. Some were guests. Some were full-court-press quests.
Some were at same banquet table, some are clients, some wore great hosiery. Some just colourful socks.
Some drift. Some meet, some greet, some are sour, some are sweet. Like snowflakes, no two friends are the same . . .
When we are children, friends would come and go, move in or move away. They were precious but we didn’t see it that way.
I make my friend-ing efforts with people I know, like and trust.
Best way to get that, is be that.
Mark Kolke
198,760
column written/ published from Calgary
morning walk: -13C / 9F, light clouds, calm, gorgeous sunrise. – warming trend in the face of a cruel forecast for the next couple of days. Gusta met a daring off-his-leash German Shepard who came cruising toward us. Turns out he was no threat to me … he just wanted to meet my girl!
Reader feedback / comments always welcome:
Today I reached back for this piece you sent me a few months ago. I realize that it wasn’t really “to” me - or about me – but I did appreciate the window into your soul – and place at that time (and by extension, who you are and where you find yourself in life). For me it was a time of transition and change. Last week I stepped away from a busy (too busy) professional practice (and personal life) and supported Susan (and extended family) as they shared the loss of her mother. Although a blessing in many ways (she was not well for too long) her passing closed a chapter in life that we loved and cherished; I have to think that it will be long remembered. At the funeral (and following) there were some regrets (but very few) and joys (thankfully, many) but mostly it was a family time of sharing and caring. It was, in many ways, a wake-up and a reminder of things most important. Back at home, it was time to take a deep breath – and begin again (in some cases, picking up where I left off previously). Life goes on – thankfully – and every step moves us closer (or further) from where we want to be if we have a planned destination; or if we don’t, at least from where we were previously. And how would we know where we have been – or where we are headed – if we didn’t pause occasionally and try to put life in perspective? Thanks for sharing - daily - and always. Sometimes it is needed - and most appreciated – when received, but often it finds its own time and place to make a difference. You will never know whose life you have touched (and when) but you can be assured that you have freely offered what you have, and that sometime, somewhere it has (or will) lift someone (or many). Thanks for being a friend (and muse), KK, Calgary, AB . . . .>>> ... this isn't to you ... or about you .. but for you, I wrote it this morning - to send to one of the 'recently past' women in my life and found I'd written something, perhaps a manifesto, perhaps a confession, perhaps a sad tale, perhaps a great new beginning. I wanted to send it to a few people who matter - some old friends, some close friends, some complete strangers - and some in-complete ones too ..so, here you go: a letter to/for you, and to others,
I woke up this morning - like an old song lyric: alone again, naturally. I woke up, or maybe it's caffeine talking. I woke up to realize how ridiculously I've wasted so much time - not built my dreams or helped the world because I've been too busy helping myself. I've helped myself to many bits of good fortune and good people, many opportunities I handled and some I flubbed. I've helped myself to get exactly where I am today. I have much to give, much to live for and no idea how much more I can do - but it is surely a large multiple of what I've done before, what I've begun before and I don't want to live the rest of my life with nothing to show for it but a long list of unfinished business. I don't want to gasp my last one day saying I have never tried. That would be such a waste to the memory of all those who got me to here. Ancestors did what? They wanted a better life for their families than what they'd had themselves, just as I do for mine. I don't know what their expectation were for me. My parents never said. My grandparents didn't either. But if I could wake up the dead, they would probably say 'be healthy, be well, do more than I ever did, be good, do good things' ... and probably not much more. So, what's my problem? I have greater expectations of me. Crazy maybe. I believe I've got more in me, than that. I believe there is more I can do than that. I'm not sure what it is yet, but I am absolutely positive I know the direction - and I'm painting the road and yellow lines to take me in that direction. In moments, like this morning, I regret I don't have a like minded traveler holding my hand - to cheer me when I win and comfort me when I lose (and I for her). At the same time I realize I've consumed a lot of time looking for that dream girl, selfishly, wanting my needs me. Wanting company, wanting comfort, wanting sex, wanting intimacy, wanting love, wanting empty to be full, wanting quiet to be noisy, wanting something I imagined to come true. I don't think that is going to happen for me. Not by searching for it, not by questing - but by accident if it happens at all. I'm OFF. I'm off on my journey. It has to be my journey for my reasons. It has to be my destination, my endless trip to the end of my life - a long journey (I hope), one on which I'll likely be alone most of the way. I believe I can handle that. I've been alone most of the way so far. Looking back there have been two or three brief periods in relationships where I didn't feel alone. Neither of those were in either of my marriages. For short whiles .. with Susan#2, with FO and with CM. There was another time - long after our short fling had ended, my mentor friend Kathy, we grew so close I couldn't imagine a closer feeling from someone who didn't need or want something from me in return. And maybe that's been part of my problem - looking for reciprocity all these years. Maybe it's an illusion. I think I've seen it a few times, in others - so I thought I could make it happen for me. I'm leaping off a cliff. Not like Wile E. Coyote in search of Road Runner, but like Mark Kolke, leaping into his own future. I'll send postcards. I'll stay on planet earth though, because I like it here. I may see more of it. Maybe not. But I'll live more of it. This is not hello or farewell to you - it is a message, from me, to you, because I think you deserve to know. What you do with it, how you feel about it - I don't know. It ain't about you sweetheart ... I wish you a great day. Many great days. I wish for you to find what I've found. I don't need to go find me, I'm right here. I DO need to go somewhere, not in search of me but on a quest to do things I need to do. That's a subtle sounding difference, and maybe it isn't a big shift, but for me it is a huge one and I'm not sure where my journey will take me.
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