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I AM FINE
Wednesday Feb. 4, 2015
How are you?
So often we ask, or answer, that question as casually and superficially as a nod/wink to an acquaintance in a shopping mall crowd or across a scrum at a business lunch …
How am I? I’m fine, truly.
OK, I wasn’t. Jammed up. Angst-ified. Frustrated by everything, or by anything. Not often, but sometimes it seems like intellectual and emotional gridlock.
And then, a freeing moment – a cleansing one, when one little thing happens, and the dammed dam breaks, tension/world’s weight on shoulders feeling (it isn’t really, but it feels debilitating) … and suddenly everything seems OK. Seems better. Fog clears, windows clear, vision beyond the end of tomorrow becomes clear.
I had such a cobweb-clearing moment yesterday. It was a simple email confirming something that did it. Eased it, pleased me, gave me an internal authorization to let loose a bit, feel lighter a bit, engaged more and de-enslaved (to that one issue) and ready to ride a new wave of euphoria. Amazing.
I was swapping text-messages with a friend yesterday – she’s someone enduring flu, a dog dying of cancer, a daughter in serious trouble (also cancer) in hospital and care-giver to a 94 yr. old mother with Alzheimer’s – asking how I was. Seriously, the most trouble I could muster to talk about is that my lower denture still hurts (but getting better) after three weeks of healing-up.
At moments like that I have urge to kick-start my own rear and say ‘why are you EVER troubled by little things?’ when I realize so many people cope daily with so many big things.
Je suis fine.
Just fine.
Mark Kolke
column written/ published from Calgary, AB
morning walk: -16C/4F, clear … but seemed much colder as sunrise was arriving; Gusta was doing the cold-foot hurry-up thing and I needed little persuasion … short walk!
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