TUMMY-TINGLE and the HAUL MARK MARKET
Tuesday, February 14, 2023
Today is a Hallmark day, and what a haul …
Every man gets played for a sucker and fool by the marketplace intent of taking advantage when they can – he is a ‘mark’ on this day, a sucker for everything tinged in red paint or wrapped in red ribbon, easy prey for marketers of chocolate, flowers, wine, and high-priced dinners and desserts at the finest restaurants. Jewelry and watch merchants, furriers, travel agents, and every fashion store that ever sold a gift card – will have you visiting their stores and websites in droves today, gentlemen.
Whether we keep it simple, giving a single stem of some fragrant flower, serving gourmet hot dogs without squirting mustard on our tux, or springing for that BMW with a new set of clubs and boarding passes in the trunk – they (the merchants, not the women) see us coming, credit card companies enjoy massive volumes on an otherwise slow Tuesday.
It’s no secret that many women also feel pressure – but it’s pressure-lite for them compared to the responsibility burden men are persuaded by marketers to feel, or feelings of failure if they don’t perform as advertised. That doesn’t mean all men feel pressured by their remarkable woman, partner, girlfriend or spouse.
Still, the combined hints/expectations atop commercial and media influences, it’s a lot of weight for a mid-February non-holiday occasion. And, for the economy – it’s important for the bottom line of good restaurants, flower shops, gift sellers, De Beers and Hallmark!
Also, we know it’s a big Q+A step day for marriage engagements – a popular pop-the-question day.
Again, clear communication, expectations and ‘knowing the party’ are essential to avoid disappointment if the answer is no.
For many men, it’s one of those ‘do as is expected of you’ days; he gets it and complies with expectations – grateful always when he doesn’t forget the day or his implied obligations, or he’ll likely spend the day, the night, and possibly longer in the ‘he didn’t remember the occasion’ doghouse …
I recall in years past, the challenge in the internet dating world – that time from Christmas to Valentine’s Day is a strange time to be active because this date will roll around, and how you deal is just too much pressure for most people. All those companies will have a spike in activity and membership renewals starting tomorrow because, once again, there is safety in being single – with the next relationship-critical Hallmark day likely long in the offing.
I’ll not be a ‘mark’ on this day because I’m Mark daily.
If I think back, from my teenage years till now, there are only a few V-days that stand proud as ones I revere; it’s a bit like Mothers’ day used to be for me – too many times with women along my journey, where there was significant pressure felt, some of it self-imposed, some of it courtesy of Hallmark et al., to be kind and giving toward someone I didn’t have the most positive feelings toward, to grin and bear it, without realizing those half-measures weren’t out in the open as they should have been.
We can empathize with those who go through the motions – it’s their life, their relationship, and they enjoy (or not) all the consequences of their actions; we should bite our tongues and hold off voicing our opinions about how others live their lives or choose who to love as Helen Fisher points out – it’s a complicated yet simple to understand landscape with thousands of years of human DNA at work …
This year, happily, is one of those delicious years (our 2nd,) a very good one, the kind you hold close, the kind you keep close, the kind you stay warm and tender with – the kind you cover up with a warm blanket and express gratitude for the importance of reciprocal caring and communication.
I’ve learned my lessons all too well, albeit too often late and painfully and not as well as I should have earlier in life because having love and coziness in half-measures or ‘not full-throttled feelings’ is empty and sad.
Though not bleak as it might be for having neither, nobody, and doubtful prospects …
Is there a better way, or a more transparent way, to see all of this?
I recall elementary school days – sending a card to every kid in the class and recalling a slight trembling while printing for only one or two of them. It was unmistakable and imprints that tummy-tingle we experience at magical moments.
If we are lucky, someone says something kind in return, or nothing at all, or they might astound us with their reaction – somewhere between a non-committal one, politely saying, “Thank you, that’s very nice of you.” through the other end of the spectrum, saying, “Take me … .”
And we also learn that silence or something blurted out in haste from surprise doesn’t mean rejection – but it does have a sobering impact. It shouldn’t discourage anyone, boy or man, from smiling at or saying something complementary and affectionate to someone they are attracted to, someone they like, all while knowing that some people toss cards on a pile or into the trash while knowing that some tuck them under their pillow …
The consequences grow more serious, but always with the fond memories of, from an early age, we wanted to show others they are cared about, whether we published that to the world or only wrote a single flimsy paper card note to the one classmate we had a crush on at that moment. We learned this well – we know, they know, and nothing else matters much that day.
For those who don’t have someone special to remind them that they are, and/or if nobody is sending you a note or card reminding you that you are unique, valuable and deserving of loving as much as everyone else, you still are.
We all are, we are enough, we are perfect, and we should not change who we are.
Now, for those who pretend to be something they are naught – for today, offer them some tolerance and understanding, please, because Hallmark is counting on them.