MUSINGS and other writing by Mark Kolke

. . . . . . there is no edge to openness

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READY OR NOT
Wednesday, February 16, 2022
 
Remember that childhood game of hide and seek – when we’d close our eyes and count while everyone ran to hide, then we’d shout, “ready or not, here I come.”
 
It took a lifetime to get to here, and unlike cats, I don’t have nine lifetimes …
 
But there is more, must be more – to be done, to find, to create, to eat/drink/consume/absorb and spit out – so what’s stopping me?
 
And what’s stopping you?
 
Nothing external stops us from doing things we have the will to do except the lack of drive to do it, which then begs this question, what do we really care about?
 
There was a time when we cared about fun, finding a partner and finding a career path – building a career, a family, a business, a nest egg, or your dream home. Poof!
 
Reality check – time passed, and most things I wanted when I was younger I can now say, “been there, done that” without any edge in my voice; some successes, some failure, some tight scrapes, and survival. So, what then, what now, what’s next?
 
I’ve written about this thought stream often over the years and must admit, this time of year, especially when friends are away recreating in warmer climes – there is so much more to do, and I’m the lone soldier in charge of getting it done. I don’t report to a staff, nor a boss, I don’t have a team, but I have a cause. I must lead, follow, and get out of my own way.
 
Some things deep down that stir me, move me, drive me, and those things – if I execute well, that will be worth leaving behind one day with my name on them.
 
So, then, what has changed?
 
Those who know me well or read my columns regularly will know it’s the steady, unrelenting, reliable influence of one person who believes in me. The notion of having anyone believe in me in this way and to this degree was something I’d long ago lost faith in ever happening. Also, the notion of having family members cheering for me was no solution either.  And like most people who’ve always felt like a disappointment to those whose approval we’ve sought – I see no value in trying to please parents who are dead or children who’ve got their own complexities and have no time for tending to my needs.
 
The person who has changed and must continue to change is me. Not massively on one day, but gradually over time. It may fail, but I also might grow younger in the process. I may not succeed, but it won’t be for lack of trying or moral support.
 
Ready or not, here I come …
 
 
Some recent talks: Mark Speaks

 


 
 

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