AFTER THOUGHTS
. . . and what comes next?
Monday Jan. 27, 2014
His death, still very much on my mind.
Setting that aside – to write about weather, price of light bulbs, the coming Olympics, or some idiocy from news pages – seems lame when these strong feelings ought be written out while they are fresh. Like donuts, get them hot and fresh, so they won’t spoil before they grow cold.
That 5th stage of the grieving process, about acceptance is interesting. Can I accept his death, accept he’s gone? Sure, emotionally and intellectually – I can do that.
But letting go - can I let go? … a different matter entirely.
Fresh air clears mind, nostrils tingle, mind wanders – but returns place it cannot leave for now. Annie Dillard said: “write as if you are dying” . I am, we all are – but not deliberately. Not imminently. Be we are not rehearsing or test-driving ideas.
Asked if he had only six months to live, Isaac Asimov said “I’d type faster.”
Actually, the whole Annie Dillard quote is far more illustrative: “Write as if you were dying. At the same time, assume you write for an audience consisting solely of terminal patients. That is, after all, the case. What would you begin writing if you knew you would die soon? What could you say to a dying person that would not enrage by its triviality.”
What would Gary want written?
What would he consider not trivial?
I remember our conversations – some very deep, some reminiscing our miss-spent youth, some discussing feelings, but little discussing farewells or after …
Returning to normal – it’s Monday, so it should be, right?
What is normal?
How should normal feel?
Not trivial.
Mark Kolke
P.S.: baby Alex and Carla are home from hospital, all is well, everyone is fine …
199,504
column written/ published from Calgary
morning walk: -14C / 8F, clear, steady breeze, Gusta spun out on some black ice (it was pretty funny to watch), invigorating return to ‘normal’ winter conditions
Reader feedback / comments always welcome:
Congratulations on the birth of your grandson Mark, he's a very lucky little boy to have you as his granpa!! and commiserations on the tragic loss of your friend Gary, who was also blessed to call you a friend. Know that Gary is in a better place. Warm regards, PT
Mark, my deepest sympathy on the loss of your dear friend! I haven’t experienced a loss of a friend as an adult but understand the hurt from losing a good friend as a teenager to cancer. Remember and cherish those special memories of the good times you had together and know that Gary is no longer in pain and in a better place and resting in peace. Congratulations on your new grandson Alex! Make sure to spend time watching him grow and his sister as life as you very well know can be short. Take care!, SP, Calgary, AB
Hi Mark, Friendships remembered are never lost or die, DK, Edmonton, AB
