OWNERSHIP
Thursday July 11, 2013
Define mistake.
What was it?
In each one, was it closer to catastrophe or oops?
Or learning opportunity?
Or was it a mistake at all?
I’ve learned more from mistakes than from non-mistakes, looked hard and long at painful moments and sour results far more than I’ve dissected the ingredients of joy, the recipe for thrills and the secrets of magic moments. Best memories are the memories of laughter and triumph, worst are spent reliving pain, disappointment or recalling how someone hurt me or rained on my parade.
I own it.
There will be pain. There will be failure. There will be hurt. There will be complexity. There will be joy. There will be light. There will be success. There will be solitude and there will be togetherness. There may or may not be a sharing with a like minded partner. There may or may not be love. There will be no regretting.
Nobody’s path, just mine.
How much of it was choice, how much reaction to circumstance, how much determined by others? To debate those questions would be like running in place – too much energy expended but not getting me anywhere.
Everything that happened, every turn and twist in the crooked path that got me from birth to here – this is my path.
Second guessing past decisions – last decade, last week or yesterday serves little purpose. As does second guessing what to do now, next, today, tomorrow, next week or next decade.
Do I have a plan?
Does someone have a plan for me?
Does the universe have a plan for everything/everyone?
I’m not confused by any of that. Everyone believes what they believe. Everyone has their own view of their path and little status to view or critique mine. Similarly, I have no right or status to comment on anyone else’s, no matter how nonsensical they seem. I don’t get to be judgmental or mean, but I get to decide who comes into my life and who leaves, I decide who I associate with or without . . .
Realizing incredible power of choice – we all have it – whether that be who we see, or not, who we befriend, or not, what we do with our time, where we spend our efforts or apply the product of our labour. I’ve made these points before, often, to others but I can’t remember feeling so strongly or more clearly that these points are guidance for me. Whether or not they are useful to anyone else is incidental.
I saw myself yesterday – not through the lens of anyone who viewed me this way or that, I looked in the mirror and saw what I liked.
I look like my dad - taller and younger, but similar in many ways.
I looked happier than I can remember, which is not to say I don’t feel badly for those I’ve heart or offended, because I do.
I look like I’ve not spent enough time in the sun, not enough time exercising my pear shaped middle into a lean young fitness machine (I understand some mirrors can help with that).
I look like a guy who is reading more, thinking more, writing more and feeling more than ever before.
I own every experience, wrinkle and lump. I earned every scrape, scar and disaster. I’ll probably acquire far more before I’m done. Not that I have learned to avoid trouble completely, but I’ve learned that fear is the biggest obstacle, I’ve learned that joy overwhelms pain in any form. I’ve learned I cannot go back, ever, to rethink or relive a past choice. I cannot un-do anything.
This mirror of mind reveals every flaw, shows all that has been lost – and looking at what is left, I still like what I see.
Tomorrow, I’ll likely like it more.
This path is good.
I own it.
Nobody’s path, just mine. Today. Tomorrow.
Who owns your path?
Mark Kolke
294,292
column written/ published from Calgary
morning walk: 12C / 53F, sunny, light breeze, streets quiet, traffic on its way, everyone minding their own business, Gusta pulling in every direction but the one I want to go, as if she has a right to choose the path . . .
Comments Received:
I'm happily reconnected with Musings. Thanks for allowing me back on the roster. Hugs, CB, Calgary, AB
Love your daily musings. Reflection, introspection and inspiration - all magnified as I read your daily offerings. Thanks, JM, Seattle, WA
Hello Mark, I read your very interesting musing profile. You appear to have interesting insights into the mind and can write about them. I'm not a writer but I love a good conversationalist, C, Calgary, AB
I'm glad for you......balance is good but remember chaos is what oblige us leap the farthest; sadly some times in an opposite direction to which we would like to go; never the less farther:), AG, Playa del Carmen, Mex.
you say the nicest things. Nice to be missed actually. Been looking at my future and starting to finally ask myself what it is I think I want. Michael and I went to southeast Texas to look at some property. It is too good a deal to pass up and even though he doesn't retire until March 2014, we went ahead and bit the bullet. It will mean economizing for the next six months as he will be paying for a mortgage for the first time in 7 years, but we can do it. We have simplified our lives so much these last six months, that we find we can do without dinners out and going to the movies. We are having fun being in the kitchen together and are coming up with some rather tasty gourmet Cajun dishes. The week of the 4th of July I was working all day getting the house ready for a visit from Michael's sister and her husband. I am amazed at needing to take twice as long and twice the amount of energy to accomplish things these days. I was warned by my surgeon that the energy expended by a one-legged woman is 40% more than one having two legs. Not sure how that works, but am living the reality of it. Then Friday we woke up in the wee hours of the morning to take off to Bon Wier, Tx. to look at 2.16 acres with two ponds and a year round creek with a 2 bedroom/2 bath home and a church. It was more than we expected but will require a bit of work. Next thing on the agenda is moving all of the things we don't use daily to our new place of residence. It is requiring a bit of thought on my part because it is even more secluded than Brady. Nearest Wal-Mart is 45 miles from the house. Haven't been able to find a Target or a Ross or Marshall's yet. The up side is we are 6 miles from the Sabine River which is the Texas/Louisiana border, 36 miles from the Neches River, and 95 miles from Lake Livingston. This equals lots of fishing, fishing, fishing. Looking forward to getting a line wet again as we have had no such opportunities here in Brady. We will also be close enough to the Gulf Coast to do some saltwater fishing but not close enough to have to deal with hurricanes. I am settling back into the land of scrubby trees but it was very, very hard to say good-bye to the towering pine trees of our new home. It will be very interesting the next six months as we prepare for the move, GB, Brady, Tx.
