Said out loud, or readable in paint-splashed on walls?
I’ve been wandering.
On purpose. My ‘recalculating’ personal GPS compass, business of serious import, still needs randomized direction-shift flexibility, of the type great road trips provide so well.
Exploring around my mind/belly connection, what feels right, what feels awkward, what feels appropriate, what feels better, what feels … anything at all. Around so many issues.
Morning walks in fresh places help. Reading and writing help. And righting. That too.
Righting, taking something wrong, turning it around. Taking something upside-down, setting it straight.
And setting someone straight. Me.
Straight-forward it isn’t. Straight-ahead, not likely. Straits of uncertainty flow between landings, but something is brewing. Around work/play balance. Around write/right balance. Around nerve/verve balance.
Adventuring appears as such a public exercise, yet it remains incredibly private, closely held. Bold aims, not said out loud. Not yet. Ambitious goals, not said out loud. Not yet. Extraordinary well painted dreams not revealed. Not yet.
I’ve come to this realization my ship won’t come in on its own. I don’t know if I’ll swim out to greet it (and, being a non-swimmer accustomed to white-knuckle boat rides bundled in a life preserver) is probably not a great strategy.
Still, there is this ship I must sail. I can navigate choppy-water. I’d rather that than hermit-away in some cabin in the woods (though that isolation with nature has such great appeal after my sojourn to sparsely populated Montana).
My life as artist requires careful interpretation of that term.
I’ll come around.
I know I will.
I’ll see you … around.
P.S.: homeward leg yesterday – slow start in Waterton, lunch at the Tin Roof Bistro on Blairmore (try the Hungarian Goulash!), fantastic blue sky for the Longview Highway trip – then across to Nanton to peruse antique stores, grab an ice-cream cone and head home for some great fish in my kitchen, to a stack of newspapers and to much work I need to cram into the next thirty-six hours – farewell Montana, you’ve inspired me …
column written/ published from Calgary, AB
morning walk: 10C/50F, light overcast – quiet early walk on familiar streets sans-dog (I’ll pick Gusta up later this morning) – appreciating the calm influence of norms, missing the adventure of fresh places so pressing in my recent memory, not knowing which is better but feeling over-eaten and under-exercised … so, more walking, walking, walking .. is needed!