MATCHED SET SEARCH
Sunday July 7, 2013
I’ll not bore anyone with ‘this is the first day of the rest of my life’ sappy rhymes for happy times. Nor am I searching for dueling pistols. But a little more ya-hoo! in my life gives me reason to refocus, right now, right here, this season with much resolve and clear reason.
Organized, focused, energized and fresh-started – but these simple words, devoid of feeling, aren’t much help in themselves because words without feeling leave us hobbled, on crutches avoiding people with axes, or axes to grind!
Painters paint a picture, sculptors chip away stuff to reveal what lurks beneath – and head doctors just mess with your head, I’m after life-altering joy instead.
Been changing.
Re-arranging, re-thinking, re-focusing many parts of how I am living my life.
Some changes, deftly solid, results trending positive and I’m tingly happy.
Some come harder – for me, for others – but there can be no other way to live a valid life of clarity than to be clear with those we care about as much as we are clear about things we won’t do, paths we won’t go down . . .
Sunday morning – re-organized (thanks IKEA), re-energized (thanks world and RH), re-focused (thanks self), re-valued (thanks everyone), re-directed (thanks to clarity and my knee that jerks sometime).
Thanks to all things past that put me right here, right now. Thanks to those who’ve put up with me.
Thanks to those who’ve not – because your opinion matters too, just not to me!
Maintaining an organized life, or shooting for chaotic passion?
Balance = equilibrium, which sounds like tedium, but feels as taxing as an insurance premium. Balance feels fair, but balance isn’t easy to get juiced up about.
I’m not 20, not in search of fairy tales or space travel, not interested in wild experiments or child amusements. Though I was recently challenged for acting like a 2 yr. old (I had a bad reaction to something someone said/did) I’m really more like the wide saucer-eyed 5 yr. old I write about often. Drawing on all that we’ve done or been, outside the lines, or imagining there are no lines, is more closely aligned to my current thinking, my body of work in life isn’t done – it’s barely begun.
Will I change my mind? I hope so. I hope to change my mind regularly, not routinely like an oil change (that reminds me, time to book the car for some tuning), not wholesale like dumping everything. I have been mulling discussion from lunch the other day, RH discussing how difficult it is to stick with the changes we choose to make. That day we were lunching healthy, talking diet and exercise – but really, we were talking about so much more.
Happy, I believe, is around the corner.
Happy is full of potholes, sharp curves and conflict, full of notions and emotions, loaded with gasps and gaffes, it is the only thing I seek and it is so bloody effing complicated in its simplicity and so very simple in its application and knowing.
This isn’t about women, or a woman, and yet it is. This isn’t about a relationship with someone else as it is about my relationship with myself. This isn’t about my path I’ve been distracted from too long or the treadmill I’ve been trying to remove myself from for so long I sometimes forget that was ever a goal. And now, for the first time in a long while I’m focused on that goal. Focused on many things really, be intensely re-focused on that one.
How far would I go, or how far is too far?
How much is too much, or not enough?
Like a beautiful day in search of a soft lovely night, I’m looking for windmills to tilt at and stars to shoot for. I’ve reminded myself of life’s choices – to lead, follow, or get of the way.
I don’t know if anyone will ride this path with me, but I won’t give up looking.
If is hard to imagine finding someone compatible to sit in a passenger seat when I see life as only having a driver’s seat, so maybe life’s goal should be a matching set of race cars?
O maybe just a matching pair of chairs, sitting close to each other, looking out at the ocean.
Not too close, but close.
Mark Kolke
294,388
column written/ published from Calgary
morning walk: 10C / 50F, sunny and calm, lawnmowers hum, squirrels running amok and Gusta stopping often to munch fresh tall grass – not a walk in the park but very pleasant under a shady canopy on Haddon Road
Comments Received:
Mark, Great hearing from you! Yes, a lot has happened this year. Lots to catch up on. My "Nothing You Had To Do?" What Would You Do If There Was has won three awards - so happy about that! And so all is well down south of your border - just very hot and muggy. And rainy. Let me know how your writing is progressing, WE, Alford,
