BABY STEPS
Wednesday, June 8, 2022
A better future demands a better understanding of the past.
Do our behaviours define us?
Or do we define our behaviours?
Don’t be too quick to answer – this one is tricky, and self-deception, delusion, and confusion are reminiscent for me of that great line by T.S. Eliot I first heard recited by Michael Caine (playing Nicholas Erf) in the movie the Magus:
“We shall not cease from exploration. And, the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.”
It’s interesting for me from several perspectives. It’s a great line in more than a déjà vu sense. It represents more than reminiscing or reliving a moment or experience, but more of understanding that moment or even differently.
I’ve recently had a trigger to re-examine many elements of my life. I feel at a loss for words to describe this, somewhere between epiphany and earthquake. A few bits unfolding so far, powerfully, but the depth of this is uncertain. I’ve been learning – in the baby-step sense – about what ADHD is about and what it’s like to discover later in life that I might have it, that I likely do, which begs far more questions than I have answers for right now.
I’m struggling to describe this because I struggle daily to come to grips with a deeper understanding of myself. I think I’m on a journey of re-discovery of the one person on earth I know better than anyone, and I do it feeling a bit lost. Or maybe a lot lost, but I’m not afraid of this journey.