REWIND EVERY POSSIBILITY
… peace for Gary, his message, my way
Sunday Mar. 2, 2014
Repentance, resolution. And revival – maybe, for two.
Today I’ll write Gary’s piece.
His letter to Christopher.
Wrestling in my head – few lines jotted, without structure, barely begun, nearly finished.
Earlier my perspective was hard.
Angry.
Sad.
My rationale, I’ve been simply giving it time.
Seriously, how much time did I need?
CBC retrospective week, after Lister Sinclair died (remember him?) – in one of those replayed interviews, he was asked about notorious lateness, on deadlines. He explained having all components in his head – nothing took form until he wrote, then making it structured, immovable. Little changes, sure, but large ones? … too late for that. His objective – keep variables circling in his mind until last possible moment so structure and approach remained open to all possibility until final moment. Then, he wrote.
That stuck, changed my writing. I’ve rationalized this Gary-piece is not procrastinated – I’m simply applying Lister’s method.
His piece, I’ve been moving from ‘today’s pile’ to ‘tomorrow’ far too long.
I had this fuzzy deadline. He wanted to read my DRAFT, to know what I was writing about him, to say things he never could, but which he needed to have voiced.
He wanted a conscious read – lucid time with it – before he faded.
We both ran out of time. Gary died before I had much written.
Then I needed to hustle – to finish it before his memorial service.
There wasn’t one so my perceived deadline, that time-pressure, evaporated.
Good, I think.
I have notes, some pages – clipped together.
Time ticks, my perspective softens on this subject I don’t want softened.
Gary wouldn’t want it softened.
Piece and peace will emerge.
Mark Kolke
P.S.: the Lister Sinclair link above is NOT that interview I mention above – I couldn’t find that one online – but this link is quite entertaining, a replay of a new year’s day radio program. A great hour of Lister Sinclair listening for a very cold day. And great music too!
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column written/ published from Calgary
morning walk: -27C / -16F (-41F wind chill), overcast, some snow swirling in slight breeze; horribly cold for man and his beast – short walk, nobody out, not a squirrel, not a magpie – oddly, we are less than 3 weeks till first day of spring …
