This sunshine, this time – bereft of conversation I talk with myself. Talk about like, about love, brief joys and pains that seem to last longer. Talk of wasted time and tasted memories. Talk about recent mornings and ancient evenings, of life witnessed and love dreamed, of pleasant pranks and sweet surprises. Long winter nights, how many times I’ve come so close to feeling like this. So many times, so close to someone best described as her du jour, when write now … there is only an inspiration of her, a remembered touch, curly wisp girl, amply gifted woman, precious child and now grandchild – my relationships with women, so much a part of me, so many have been, that I must wonder if I’m searching for impossibility, the everywoman, or just one elusive one, a needle in my pile of straw …
Take whatever meaning you find.
Could I ask for more?
Can I even ask for that?
Disguised from prying eyes, message for one person wrapped within larger ones.
Like wires entwined – not black one with a red, but two whites, one metal tangled with another – wrapped in disguises, their properties a metallurgy mystery only metallurgists calculate.
Mixed messages unmixed, disguises viewed through hued lenses, gaze through, or refuse, riddles, riddled with something meaningful.
Message fully exposed, but nobody knows, but one. Is it clear? Another, for everyone else, is that?
Wounded limb. Gashed. Bone exposed. Raw.
Same moment – limb intact, outside their gaze, their attention directed to some well made point, some other metaphoric intention.
P.S.: when I vacation, I find those first few days challenging – to quiet mind and re-regularize body to function calmly, relaxed, as I would at home, in unfamiliar surroundings where serenity, peace, sleep and stressed-less-ness come together, in solitude – to think without pressure, work without deadline or weight on shoulders, to play without any need to please or accommodate anyone – this is that time, that place, a day for some working, for some sightseeing, a day for some reading and possibly some beach visiting, a day for planning the rest of today with no concern for tomorrow. There are moments of lonely, but short ones. I like the company I’m keeping … Ten hours of rest in me. Sore back. Swinging too hard on the golf course, or laying too long in a soft bed? Either way, a massage seems called for today …
column written/ published from Paia, Maui, HI
morning walk: 18C/65F, another warm day of intermittent showers and brilliant sunshine, breezy. I walked Baldwin Avenue – watched the lineup of people at the Mana Foods door waiting for opening, opting instead for fresh (still warm) apple strudel from Moanna Bakery … tourists out walking, many with yoga mats slung over their shoulders in search of their place to work out.
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