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EFFORTLESS WHOLENESS
Sunday Mar. 8, 2015
I chose to sit outside in morning’s early darkness, drinking coffee, remembering – realizing my dashboard clock is now accurate again. One on my stove needs changing. So does the alarm clock.
I miss him.
To be elevated, more in memory than in life, is not what he would want.
He was just a simple man living simply – uncomplicated, easy to know.
I’m seeing now, ever more clearly, who he was and who he was not.
I miss him less today, but not much less.
A year since that Saturday a year ago. Recalling how it began, and how it ended.
A year ago I woke up having a father and went to bed without one.
Much has come into, passed through and brightened my life this year. I’m not sad. I’m certainly emotional, and reflective.
He was everything any son could ever want.
Restless night, recalling yesterday, punctuated with conversations with new friends and old ones, ones who saw him with me that day, ones who’ve only just connected with me, recalling this day and the year since he passed from this life.
It has become so apparent to me that explaining ourselves is far too complicated.
Being ourselves, on the other hand, is effortless.
As it was for my dad, in his living and in his dying.
In time our bodies will give up and give in, giving way to someone else’s memories of us.
Missing him is not a constant – but frequent. It isn’t every day that I touch something, some piece of paper, some artifact. But often. His memories are all around me physically, and emotionally.
Lucky me.
Mark Kolke
column written/ published from Calgary, AB
morning walk: 0C/32F, nearly full moon, clear – little eye-watering breeze, Gusta has given up trying to get frozen-to-ground morsels loose. We walked under an awesome sky – awesome universe so immense, our tiny lives, our tiny planet, such insignificance in the whole, yet people who leave us leave such significant holes in our wholes …
Reader feedback:
GRIP’N GRIN AWARDS SHOW OBSERVATIONS
Do return to Gasoline Alley, Mark .. we’re so lucky to have such a display in our city! You didn’t comment on the food which is usually excellent at the Park. I do agree with your remarks about “galas” etc., BR, Calgary, AB ..p.s. Hubby in Foothills since Feb. 27th. Has massive bleed in brain resulting in pressure on brain which left him looking as though he’d had a stroke (which he didn’t .. it was the pressure). Cause: a bad fall on concrete and the blood thinner Xarelto he was on. We were to wait approx.. 5 days till all effects of Xarelto gone from his body and then they were going to do surgery .. drill a hole in the brain and try to relieve the pressure. Meanwhile after 3 days in hospital, he contracted what they believe to be Norwalk Virus .. lab results still not back, but of course no surgery till the bug is cleared up. So it’s a bit stressful needless to say and will be until surgery’s done .. we hope, successfully .. but no guarantees. When you get to Maui again soon, please “remember to breathe” and enjoy the sun, sand, and warm ocean breezes .. wish we could go .. I’ve always loved those Islands. When the dust settles, perhaps we’ll get together for another coffee/chat/visit .. and you can tell me all about marvelous Maui.
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