WHEN ALL IS SAID AND DONE
Thursday Mar. 8, 2018
When all is said and done, will all be said, will all be done, or will everything and everyone carry on without us – as if nothing ever happened – as if we’ve never lived?
For most of us, most of what we’ve done – however remarkable – won’t last, won’t be remembered and won’t matter to anyone. For most of us, what we’ve done that matters most and which lasts is our family – our descendants. Not clones or copies, they contain part of us to pass along genetically. Once in a while, they’ll remember, they’ll retell some fondly recalled stories. That’s it. Fade to black …
Which brings me to today’s subject. Four years ago my dad died at 91. As he often said, he’d lived a long and full life – he expressed no regrets. He wasn’t religious with expectations, he was just ‘ready to go’. And then he was gone – peacefully, snoring till very near his end. He is remembered by few since I and my children/grandchildren are his entire remaining family. I have many distant/out of touch cousins, most of whom hadn’t seen him in many years. The other 7.5 billion citizens of earth never knew him, never had reason to know or care. That is a fate most of us are destined for. It isn’t complicated, but I think it is quite profound in terms of ‘why we are living the lives we are living’ – the ‘what’ we strive to accomplish, that ‘what’ we leave behind ...
I’ve been pondering this issue, not from any depressed perspective – but as realist. When I’m gone, who will care? For most of us the answer will be ‘family members, friends and colleagues’. For some that will be a large number, for most it won’t – but even the large number is tiny compared to our large population. Unless we’ve gotten ourselves into some kind of record book, earned being a statue on some pedestal, cured a disease, run a country or changed society – how many remember us will be few. And their memory short. And if we die at a ripe old age, most friends and colleagues will be already gone or leaving soon themselves …
In the end, it is our closest family members who will remember and for whom we will matter. Or rather, our absence will matter.
Hubert Kolke died four years ago today. I’ll never forget him, I’ll always remember our best times, and our last time, together.
