SELF-CROSS-EXAMINATION
Thursday, March 11, 2021 - daily column #6693
I find it quite peculiar when someone tries telling me what I ought to do.
I love it or hate; it depends on the messenger and how they deliver their message. Reactions vary widely – from a polite smile to expletive-laced rant, from a carefully chosen economy of words to a blurted, “Oh my, look at the time – sorry, have to go now.”
Graciously accepting advice is always simpler to talk of in theory than it is to receive.
You might observe, I open myself up to it – posting my vented spleen online, publishing my ups, downs, and deep-dives for anyone to see – inviting scrutiny, critique, and suggestions that inevitably follow.
I don’t know how much of this is valid or if I just want it to be …
My reaction, too-often, is to get my ire rattled – what nerve, what temerity, of this person telling me what to do, how to think, or that they presume to know enough about my circumstance such that they have a prescription for what ails my day!
We do it so swiftly, so dismissively, and so incompletely, whether something a colleague did, something ‘the company failed to do,’ the actions or failure-to-act of media, politicians, or the latest darling startup in Silicon Valley.
Self-diagnosing our lives, however, is more complicated than analyzing someone else’s. We are experts-du-jour, the Monday morning quarterbacks, on someone else’s life – heartlessly dissecting, diagnosing, and denigrating the deeds of others.
The other day I got a call from a dear friend who gently scolded me to get off my duff on the project I was talking about.
I reacted cheerfully and was spurred into action …
The same day I got a pushy note from someone else, telling a story about their experience in a very pedantic way, implying quite pointedly that such an approach might be helpful to me. It might be, but I am resistant – reacting indignantly with – “who the hell do they think they are?”
The expert we know best is the one in our mirror; foremost authority on ourselves, closest to the situation, best equipped to review our performance – but, typically, we don’t.
Reader feedback:
Growing up, my Dad was a huge NHL hockey fan. I was not that interested but knew what was going on in the league. In my business, I made many, many trips to Toronto. A few weeks after my Dad passed away, I was in Toronto and drove passed Maple Leaf Gardens. It suddenly hit me that in all those years, I had never thought to invite my Dad to come with me to Toronto and attend a Leafs game. He would have been thrilled, but I just never did it. I had to stop my car that day so that I could have a good cry. Regrets in life? How much time do you have?, GB, Calgary, AB
Great article Mark; loved the message and the poem at the end vividly conjured childhood memories for me! Keep up the musings, MK, Calgary, AB
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