Well, not really. But don’t we think, when we are young and in the marrying/partnering mood, that is an expected? A given? And when we don’t get that, we wonder if made a poor choice or if we just had messed up expectations. Hard to see in those moments. Just as hard looking way way way back.
I’ve done vows – twice. And twice entered living arrangements without vows. I won’t label these adventures as good or bad or rank them in value or priority. Their duration: 1½ 2, 2½, 17. Not months, years. And many years of ‘no arrangements’ leave me free to speak without risk or recrimination and also leave me lonely. Not all the time, but sometime. The question then, does it matter? I mean, to our happiness, does it matter if we are coupled or not? And, if coupled, should we vow or vow not to vow?
No answers leap out of me. Observations of self should be easier than observations of anyone else. We are as ‘up close’ as possible, we are constant companions …
Seeing ourselves clearly, on the other hand, requires a rearview mirror and years of sober thought. Even then, truth is harder to confront than layers of face-saving face-protecting façade. But as I look at all my wows in life, they had so little to do with vows – so little to do with promises made, or kept.
I’ll keep looking for WOWS. Sometimes they show up in the form of people. More often, I think they show up in events, actions, results and surprises. The notion that the WOW shows up in the NOW with someone we want to VOW with, well that’s a delicious cocktail of youthful dreaming. And of backward melancholy. Where am I going with this thought trail?
Maybe down a rabbit hole of confusion, but it feels a lot more like clarity.
written / published from Calgary, AB
morning walk: -5C/23F, calm, stars lit our way at 5AM – Gusta seemed happy to be back from her mini-vacation and the deer we encountered were as startled as we were. Two bucks, four does and Gusta’s posture were fun to watch – she stands perfectly still, as if paying respect to very large dogs – quite the sight in the moonlight.
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