I’ve had times when I had much money; not tons, but lots compared to what I’d known but its value wasn’t lasting. Sure, it bought things, paid for experiences and temporarily relaxed every tension you feel when you don’t have enough.
Having enough made things easier but didn’t bring me whatever it was I was needing. And money, like many things in life, can be fleeting. What else might fill that gap, what ‘missing ingredient’ did I need?
Seemed like a good idea. Make more friends. I did. I have. I enjoy them. Many are treasures I always want to keep. Along the way some precious friends drift away, slip away or die. Maybe, like money – we always need enough, can’t live with none and don’t manage well with too many.
Food, drink, money, loneliness – have been my demons, holes I’ve sought to fill both with righteous and outrageous behavior. I’ve longed for magic of warmth and comfort. I’ve also come to appreciate and be content with solitude and privacy.
Still, as I get older and fantasize upon my current most important goal – long life, I’ve come to the realization that I need something far more important than my wants of more friends, more love, more money and more recognition in life – I want more time.
I read recently about an Australian guy, 104, went to Switzerland for legal ‘assisted dying’; he wasn’t sick, he was just done. I cannot relate to that. I imagine being healthy at 104 and waking up with great expectations every day saying – please world, I want more time …