Go right, go left, go far, go long – or go along. Choices seem philosophical, and often are.
But when we use a different word: DECISIONS, things change. If we have that regimented brain engineers and accountants are known for, it gets easy – ‘do this’, ‘don’t do that’ – each decision made swiftly and intelligently. As though there is no clear or worthy alternative. Surgical precision. And speed. Who would want an important decision delayed?
But some are – and the difficulty has little to do with our personality type. And it isn’t the big ones we wrestle with, is it? Like which house to buy, which insurance policy, which car, which stick of furniture to keep or replace.
It’s those pesky decisions what won’t turn quickly – like which old acquaintance we’ve forgot and wrestled with re-connection. It’s which people/projects/issues/causes raisons d'être are for restocking the fire in our belly vis-à-vis ones for purging, eliminating and erasing the best we can from our memory. There is the conundrum of course, when we want to keep/restart a connection when someone has no interest. Or the other way around.
I wrestle with this too often for admission – because saying so suggests I’m troubled or deeply messed up, which I don’t think I am – but whether it is an old ‘used to be friend’ or an estranged ‘she will always be my daughter’ – there is no way to define or fix the past. But I would like to fix the future. Not with just anyone, and not with everyone, but there are a precious few I would like another chance with.