In my daily and weekly rotation I have a task list I call DAY 8 .. which is FAMILY MATTERS day.
I used to set that day aside for taking care of business for my dad. Less pressing since he died. Still, estate matters to take care of, reimbursement claims to submit for his last changes of eyeglasses, hearing aids etc.
I let it wait. Every time this file comes up in rotation I put it off, delay it, put things in a drawer. I hide it away. Not to forget about it. Not to ignore it indefinitely.
Not to deal with it – that seems to be the real reason.
Or is it?
Maybe it is like the wheelchair I still have not sent on its way.
While it might be drudgery paper-work to anyone else, these are pieces of him I cannot seem to push out the door. Like the pile of personal effects, photo albums and incidentals that hang out – bulging, from shelving in the bathroom. Not a great place, but I thought it a strategic one. One I would not ignore. A place I visit often and where I could pick away at it, a little bit at a time. Soon, it would be done. Nice theory. Nearly 6-months on, maybe I should return to that task.
But then, there are other things that are more pressing – and, like the Day 8 file, that work just sits on a pile, waiting for another day.
I can plow through all kinds of procrastinations, but that drawer, that file, the day-for-doing just gets set aside. Again. And again.
Some emotions are for shouting out, some for keeping close. Some for lift. Some for leaving behind.
We are all emotional critters and get lifts from different things – sometimes the most valuable one we get is from the toe of our own boot, kicking us from behind when nobody else notices we had a mental-lapse.
Lives are public, and private.
Open, and not. With open secrets. And not.
We can just as easily be closed, and closed off.
Are we not all a mix of these elements?
Some people keep these elements in compartments – not letting one portion of their life invade the other. I have known people like that. Their friends never meet their other friends. Family is separate from work. It has always struck me as a strange way to live, to be.
And yet I wonder if I have done the same thing sometimes – simply putting a different label on it. Trying for different, trying for better – weaving a little fabric from elements of each.
I do not know how this is going to work, but there seems like no better time to try.
column written/ published from Calgary
morning walk: 2C/35F, clear and calm – nippy on the ears – we encountered rabbits and heavy early traffic, and went by the Nissan dealership as employees were arriving for work. They all park on the street. It was interesting to note that most of those cars were other brands . . .
Still here – trying to get to the surface to breath but not really succeeding with that at the moment. I am also acknowledging the receipt of the little cards. Hopefully within the next couple of weeks Mark, we could book some time for a chin-wag, RA, Calgary, AB
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