LISA MONA
Thursday Oct. 31, 2013
I went Googling for a beauty metaphor – didn’t want a title like Mona Lisa, or the first name of anyone I know or the first name of anyone I don’t know who might be on my mailing list because they might think this is about them. I came up short – found lots of interesting reading but no apropos phrase to paraphrase my message, perhaps one that has never been writ before – so Lisa Mona it is ~
If you think this is about you, it is. If you think this isn’t about you – too bad, you can’t escape – it is.
Ending.
Starting.
Things.
Starting things, throwing things away – but you can’t throw memory away. We can’t wipe the hard-drive between our ears, or forget everything – that takes years and years. It can stay fresh, or fade, bring joy or tears, bring forward courage for new adventures or dredge up old fears.
Either way, here we are.
Where we are.
Near.
Far.
Completely capable of so much.
But what are we doing?
I feel something coming on – not a sniffle, not a depression. A period of new clarity, new energy, like it must have been for early explorers landing on new shores, exploring what would turn out to be a chapter in some history book. OK, yeah, sure … like that, but without the swamps, gators and bugs, without snakes. No need to burn the ships, but no reason to turn back either.
New phase of self exploration, spelunking my own brain cavity . . .
How to start?
Does a smile and a handshake work?
Make that first move.
Simple. Starts. Everything.
Life, business, work, leisure, art, science, fantasy – balance, in organization, home or family – like board games, aren’t they? We roll dice or pick a hand, to determine who goes first, or who chose the white pawn or the black pawn , and the game begins.
So, who gives permission for starting?
Friendly game of backgammon, chess or cribbage – mutually agreed on process, we just start. But, when we are approaching some other game involving time, tasks, strategy and competition – how do we start, how do we proceed? In business, we are more likely to race ahead, try to gain advantage – upstage competitors, dazzle customers, reach finish line first, THE END.
In personal relationships we have weird constructs – not opposite, but completely confusing all the same. Pushing can cause retreat. Not pushing can cause rejection. Not caring about pushing can cause apathy. Apathy can cause distance.
On the other hand . . .
On the other hand was something a teacher used to say a lot – but I never saw extra arms connected to his 3rd, 4th and 5th hands.
Recent events have distanced, disconnected and precluded both connection and entanglement with several recent, past and prospective connections – sufficient to give a weakened person good reason to become a hermit, or go on some sort of spree – but neither extreme seems to be taking root with me.
I’m feeling as completely lone, calm, single and far away from any attachment as I’ve felt at any point in so many years I can’t remember when. No idea how long that will last.
Maybe years.
Maybe just moments.
I touched base with someone the other day who, thinking I was down – offered comforting words “I hope that the empty places in your life get filled” , presuming I had an empty hole to fill. While I appreciate the sentiment, and effort to comfort me, that’s not how I’m feeling at all.
Someone. Somewhere. Somebody wants to share life with me. I used to think I had a good notion of what she would be like.
Someone I’ve gotten close to, told me my on-line profile was not the side of me she would want or be interested in, or described the person she’d come to know. Sadly for me, she’s a dream that won’t come true for me, ever, but one should never ever say never, should one?
Perspective is good.
I should listen. Or not.
Not sure.
Busy day awaits, must muster energy – many things to start, many things to finish, many half-baked ideas to toss aside, just as many to move forward.
I was wondering, as I walked Gusta this morning, maybe what many of us need is not so much of a shoulder, but an ear, not so much a crutch, but support, not so much a partner as a companion for a parallel journey, not so much this mysterious real thing in hand, but a perception of the real thing albeit at a safe distance.
All-encompassing, for anyone, an impossible/improbable construct.
We give and get bits, pieces, bytes and slices of so many things we need.
Seekers, we seek.
Eaters, we hunger.
Adventurers, we explore.
Your move.
Mark Kolke
292,604
column written/ published from Calgary
morning walk: 6C/43F, steady breeze coming over the big hill – sunshine, invigorating, streets were post-rush quiet, rising up in front like hills, each block urging one side of my brain to burn calories, the other side thinking ‘pie would be nice’ but the calorie burning side of me won. This time.
Comments Received:
I have to share this on facebook I hope that is ok. Thank you so much for your post and have an amazing day!, JS, Calgary, AB
