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KNOWING GOING
Sunday Oct. 25, 2015
Knowing what we want – smug statement or profound question?
If I knew, when would I know that I knew it?
I am sure there are people who know, and even if they don’t know, who truly and deeply believe that they do. I have moments when I envy that state of mind – and moments later I want to be free from it, like I am clawing my way out of cobwebbed corridor …
I want to know. Of course I do – doesn’t everyone? This quest to know has such a magical tugging power, the journey is clearly the larger prize …
We might be going in the wrong direction. If we leave Calgary for Vancouver, it is quite unlikely we’ll bump into Toronto along the way no matter how wide awake or wide-eyed we are. Knowing where we are going is an interesting conundrum – as if we map our route without knowing if what we want can be found where we think we are going.
Can we prepare fertile ground for them to grow? Can we anticipate or set the stage for magic to show up? I vacillate on that one, and end up with this: if I’m relaxed, available and watching – then I’m more likely to see something when it happens. However, when I look back on the magical-threads of things in my life which have changed it, planning and availability had nothing to do with it. Some of my best experiences, best friends, best opportunities – were met during periods of tumult and chaos in my life.
Attributing mystery and magic to people we meet on any path vis-à-vis any other path, I believe it is mostly borne of experiences, experiments and exploration. Roads, people and places are interchangeable, but experiences seem to operate from a different agenda – not saying that in some fatalistic way, I don’t believe we are ‘meant to have’ certain experiences or that we can’t have them anywhere. Life’s journey seems less connected to any specific strip of asphalt leading through any town …
I’ve often doubted well-wishers saying, ‘when it is meant to happen, it will’. They were most often speaking about ‘the woman’ for me. I’m no fatalist. I still buy-into this notion that things which change our life, our outlook and our opportunities show up when they are least expected.
When magical experiences, epiphanies and explorations show up – is there some preferred or desirable set of conditions whereby we ensure better possibilities, or any possibility at all? Do we have better chances on mountain highways, tropical beaches, golf courses, resort spas or on some street corner?
I’m planning a road trip to Ketchum. A bucket list trip. I’ve never been to any part of Idaho. There is a fabulous ski-resort (Sun Valley) there but that isn’t what tugs at me.
Ernest Hemingway lived there, wrote there, died there. I’m going for that – but also, the timing feels right.
Solitude. Serenity. Scenery. Silence. What I will learn there is uncertain. What I’ll learn on the journey, who I’ll meet, what I’ll see along the way, that for me is the strongest reason. Not to check off some list, but maybe to answer why I felt some need to put it on my list to begin with …
Mark Kolke
written / published from Calgary, AB
morning walk: -4C/26F, light overcast, steady breeze – and confirmation, finally, that the growing and mowing season is done. Gusta was less adventurous today, doing a very well disciplined tag-along for a change. My feet were on well-trod paths, my brain was far far away …
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