Good reflection day, hinge between frenetically finishing, trip readying, strange state of suspended animation – between two places, two worlds. Mind travelling to other places, times, recalling old questions, recollections, going round-and-round over stupid things, squandering time, spewing emotional energy as if there was limitless supply …
What gets us jazzed, feeling validation?
Each troubled relationship déjà do-do story – we didn’t state, with precision, what we wanted.
Give-take politics – what we gave (or expected), set aside for what we got, what we could take away, as if that was foundation for anything meaningful. No matter how smart we tried to be, seemed to be an unrelenting need to see/hear/feel as expected.
As melodrama played out, some invisible audience watched. Saw farcical fantasy of course, but I sense so many people participate in just such plays. Realistic? Not. Except it is their day-to-day-to-day.
I remember it as real.
Feeling real, looking real – but, in that same moment, built on falseness - notwithstanding representations to the contrary. That ‘video playing in my mind’ imagines characters, each acting their parts in truth. Enough of my memory intact, I believe valid, recalling those familiar scripts. What was said, what was heard, not for voracity, but for faithfully following ‘script’.
Seems so much simpler now – not sure if that is because I’m older or somehow wiser, of if I am simply further from it – in terms of time and distance, because it seems to be in much better focus now.
What started this? Yesterday, I inspired someone to explore something that hadn’t crossed their mind. Now, I expect that person is changed.
I did that. Yes. Oh my.
written / published from Calgary, AB
morning walk with Gusta: 13C/56F, light overcast, soft breeze and more thunderstorms predicted; Gusta loving the wet stinky stuff she’s finding by fences and under shrubs – I’m feeling in vacation mood if not mode … tic toc
I was taught that you had 4 steps to success. Tools, Materials, clear and concise instructions and a fair amount of time to complete task. Fail one or all and manager fails not team, WP, Casa Grande, AZ
I used to enjoy telling my young students of Alberta history about the significance of teams of horses, as opposed to oxen, in the old days of farming. Oxen are tremendously strong, and can even haul their own body weight out of deep mud, and go on ploughing the fields all day long, whatever the weather. Horses are more expensive, need more care and attention, and will sink to their bellies in mud and have to be hauled out. So why use horses? Because they will go up and down the rows, without being coaxed. Oxen have to be dragged around in the opposite direction when they come to the end of the row. Every row, every time, EH, Calgary, AB