Last night, again, cleaning up more of my dad’s things – trash bag filling, deciding what to keep, throw, donate or sell. Somewhere in the process (yikes!) I’ve mislaid my cell-phone.
Heading over soon with more trash bags, more empty boxes . . .
Each time I’m there – like he’s still there and I’m with him.
I know that won’t make sense to logical thinkers. I keep muttering ‘what is this?’, and ‘why did you keep this?’.
Sometimes I know I’m audible, as if he’s still there in the next room, and can answer me.
He was a packrat. This is going to take a long time. Goody . . .
Someone asked what my column yesterday was about. I wasn’t confused – because when I wrote it I was so clear I knew what it meant.
I read it again – and I see the confusion. When I used the word fall I expect readers would the season. Playing on that, with a twist, I was thinking about and meaning the many falls my dad experiences.
Each time my dad fell caused me angst – especially when warned that falls often lead to hip-breaks. And hip-breaks lead to hospital stays with unhappy endings for many elderly.
Neither heart issues or falls were his undoing.
Each time he fell he bounced, bounced back.
Each time we had a great checkup at the cardiac clinic, his good patient behaviour proved that life expectancy was something which could be stretched, stretched some more and then stretched yet again.
Who knew, who imagined quick on-set belly infection would do him in? That was the event moment I referred to.
column written/ published from Calgary
morning walk: -3C / 27F, calm and a few clouds, more ice than usual from yesterday’s melt. Gusta and I had a tentative and short walk - - - ending up at the pooch parlour where her coat is getting an overhaul/spa-day. A much melting day ahead ..
Good morning Mark, I have not been online much lately but wanted to express my sincere condolences to you & your family, so sorry for your loss. Also I can't thank you enough for sharing with us all a little bit of "Mark". You have a way with your words of saying it like it is, making me smile or just giving me something to think about. Thank you. Wishing you a beautiful day, in our amazing city !, JS, Calgary, AB
Instead of the elevator ride, I think Mark, if I had to choose a thought from your musing today it would be: “We live our lives in secret privacy. Others see what we show them. No more than that.” None of us know exactly what you are going through, how you are dealing with it, how you are coping, and you are right, there is nothing we can do, except just reach out and touch you, in thought, in compassion, in understanding and caring. You don’t need to call for that, just know that it surrounds you, intangible love and support, CG, Cape Town, South Africa
Dear Mark, I am not sure who you are or how I landed on your distribution list. But, in any event, I read “Now I Get It” which prompted me to go back and read your postings for the last couple of days. I am very sorry to hear about your father’s death. My dad just turned 72 (not so old by today’s standards) but he has lived longer than his parents did, and longevity does not seem to be in his gene pool. I lived for the last two years out of the country and now live half a country away from him, but I take every opportunity to talk to him and see him. I wish I appreciated my dad when I was 20 as much as I do now (or perhaps I did, but just differently). Sounds from your writing that your dad’s death was painful for you, and that is sad. But it would be even sadder if it wasn’t painful. ~~~ “If there is anything I can do, just call me. ;) ~~~~, Kind regards, PT, Houston, TX
Mark, I hope you can move through this difficult time with the continued strength you have illustrated, and also take the time to grieve and to remember all times spent with your dad. Best wishes during this difficult time. Sincerely, BD, Calgary, AB
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