No hangover – no lethargy induced by emotionally stuffing myself with heavy meal or late night snacking; but sometimes I’d rather have that feeling. It’s a physical feeling. So easy to blame a physical feeling on some culpable culprit.
That morning after another restless night. That horrible place our mind can be sometimes – our on-board harshest critic, every bitter pill of admission, pride or embarrassment ever swallowed. How slippery that slope can be …
When you wake from ‘nothing in particular as a cause’ to feel strange – there is no place to look but in your emotional baggage because that is where we keep our not so obvious symptoms, fact-facings and shortcomings. Where the ego hides and cowers with our shame and fears, where confidence runs when it isn’t, where every wrong choice ever made seems to gather like a convention – or maybe it’s more like a comedy roast. Well done. Overcooked. Burned – yes I feel all the scourge of every disparaging comment I’ve ever heard, every disparaging thought I’ve ever thought or feared hearing.
Who judges? Who is the judge of me, or my work, my writing, my living? If you talk to any street-corner evangelist worth his/her salt, they’ll tell you judgment day is coming and you better prepare to be judged. If you believe that, pretty frightening. If you dismiss that bunk as junk – then nothing to worry about, all you have to worry about are the critics. And who are these critics, really. Did they even read it? Understand it? Are they critiquing my words, or who I am and how I lived my life?
Thanks for the nudge to reconnect. I'm happy to take you up on that. I appreciate your efforts to think life through, your willingness to be vulnerable and genuine, and your intentionality. A rare bird. So... hi, again! So life is being gentle with me right now. (Mental snapshot.) I remember where things were for you and hope you are also content. Thanks for being there again, Mark, MO, Monterey, CA
You hit my nail right on the head, but in my case it’s an estranged male who will always be our son, BR, Calgary, AB
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