Emotions are peculiar things if you’ve ever had one (I have them all the time) because they take you for a physical ride without moving your body, pushing and shoving one another – fighting for their chance to be today’s priority.
It would be comforting at night. Consoling actually, to leave a light on, if there was someone to leave the light on for because then you arouse some hope.
I rise and move, step by step, executing morning routine – with little conscious thought required. Routine is effortless and practiced. Nothing goes wrong. Tasks are simple and follow the simplest non-repetitive path. Meanwhile, the head is busy with a hundred things or more – each thought better than the last, random in search of calm, triage in an urgency room of pre-dawn dark. The darkest. The darkness. Silence all around, an open window reveals faint sounds of early morning traffic, sounds of melting snow in downspouts, the grass, and trees lightly dusted with overnight’s surprise. All the snow lay round about, not deep, not crisp, not even …
Some days it would be nice to wake up to calm water, which means I would have to wake up at the edge of a lake somewhere, and that would be a pleasant alternative to waking up someplace else. There is a restlessness in me lately that needs an outlet to explode in frustration, or maybe I just need a soft, warm touch of a hand that isn’t mine to calm me, the way a still lake would. Maybe, if I leave a light on, someone will come.
There is no point, of course, leaving a light on.
Maybe I’ll go shopping for a lakefront property. The change of mind seems more formidable a challenge than a change of location. This makes me wonder if I should instead go searching for lakefront property and look for a place with light that is on …
Maybe there could be a new 1-800 # service, where you call to hear a tender voice saying, “come over when you can, I’ll leave a light on,” … which doesn’t mean such a venture would succeed, but it’s an excellent notion. If there was such a service, I think I would call.
Of course, we can pay someone to touch us. The cost could be small, or as much as ½ of everything you’ll ever have. Apparently, the price is never too high because people keep paying it, which is odd when you break it down.
It should be simpler. And authentic. The trick is not the leaving a light on, but rather having someone to leave it on for.
Mark. I agree 100% with this except the counselling part. I too will not share my deepest darkest secrets with any friend. With counselling, I feel greatly helped to do the work, but am left to “finish” the work. If my counsellor has an effed up life they are doing a great cover up. I certainly don’t see it and there is much evidence they are liked and loved by “all” of their clients. My brother wants a counsellor that has already made it through the effed up part. LH, Lethbridge, AB